The Manners Of the Knowledge Seeker by Abu ‘Abdallah Muhammad Sa’id Raslan

People have always been greatly divided over the issue of mixing and seclusion. So, some went with the opinion that one should always mix with the people, and some went with the opinion that one should always seclude himself from the people, and everyone is satisfied with his point of view.

And Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have Mercy on him) touched upon this issue and clarified the dispute, saying:

“This issue - even though the people have differed over it, either partially or completely - the reality of it is that mixing with the people is sometimes obligatory or recommended. The same individual can sometimes be obligated to mix with others, and can at other times be obligated to separate from them.

The way to properly reconcile between these two stands is to realize that mixing, if it involves cooperation upon good and piety, is obligatory, and if it involves cooperation upon sin and transgression, is forbidden. Mixing with the Muslims for the purpose of congregational acts of worship, such as the five prayers, the Friday prayer, the 'Id prayer, the eclipse prayer, the prayer for rain (istisqa'), etc., is from what Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) commanded. Such is also the case when mixing with the people during the Hajj, to fight the disbelievers, Khawarij, and rebels, even if the leaders of and participants in such activities are corrupt. This is also the case with a gathering in which the worshipper can increase his faith - either because of it benefiting him, or he benefiting it.

And a person must have time alone to engage in supplication, remembrance, prayer, reflection, take himself to account, and rectify his heart. These are issues that nobody else can participate with him in, and these are affairs that need to be seen to on an individual basis, whether at home or otherwise, as Tawus said: “How excellent of a refuge is the home! In it, one can restrain his gaze and his tongue.” So, it is incorrect to mix with people unrestrictedly, and it is incorrect to seclude yourself from people unrestrictedly. As for exactly how much every person needs of each, and what is best for him at all times, this is something that requires further investigation.

What is best is that one sometimes pick from the various types of worship based on their inherent virtue (prayer is in itself better than recitation of the Qur’an, and recitation is better than dhikr, and dhikr is better than supplication), and sometimes based on what time of day he is in (recitation, dhikr, and supplication after Fajr and ‘Asr are preferred over prayer), and sometimes based on the physical position he is in (dhikr and supplication in bowing and prostration are legislated instead of recitation of the Qur’an, and dhikr and supplication during tawaf is legislated by consensus, while recitation of the Qur’an during tawaf is differed over), and sometimes based on his location (what is legislated at ‘Arafah, Muzdalifah, at the Jamar, and at Safa and Marwah is dhikr and supplication instead of prayer, etc. and tawaf of the Sacred House for the visitor is better than prayer, and prayer is better for the inhabitants of Makkah), and sometimes based on the appropriateness of the worship for the person (Jihad for men is better than Hajj, while the jihad of women is Hajj, and obedience to the husband is better than obedience to the father for the married woman, as opposed to the single woman who is commanded to obey her father), and sometimes based on the capability of the servant, as the worship he is capable of is better for him than the worship he is incapable of, even if what he is incapable of is inherently better. This is a point where many people go to extremes and follow their desires: some people who see a certain action as being better for them due to their own circumstances, or due to it being more beneficial to their heart and a better way to obey their Lord, wish to then make this the best action for everyone around them, and proceeds to command them to do the same.

And Allah sent Muhammad (peace be upon him) with the Book and Wisdom, and made him to be a mercy and guide for the servants, commanding each person with what is best for them. So, the Muslim should be a well-wisher to every person, wanting what is best for them.”112

And the scholars – may Allah be Pleased with them – would mix with the people and teach them while simultaneously being the most careful of people of wasting their time, and Ahmad (may Allah be Pleased with him) was the most patient of people upon being alone, despite the fact that he was the imam of the world during his time. His son, ‘Abdullah, said:

“My father went out to Tarsus on foot, performed Hajj two or three times on foot, and he was the most patient of people upon being alone. Bishr, despite his status, was unable to remain by himself, and would always go out to see this person and that.”113

So, mixing and socialization should not be with one who has a dead heart, as he is like a highway robber. Rather, it should be with one who will increase you in faith and action.

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

“The one with a dead heart will make you feel lonely. So, take advantage of his absence as much as possible, because you will not feel lonely except when he is with you. If you are put to trial with him, give him your outer attention, wander from him with your heart, separate your inner self from him, and do not let him distract you from what is more deserving of your attention.

Know that the greatest of losses is for you to be preoccupied with one who will bring you nothing but a loss in your time with Allah - the Mighty and Majestic - and being cut off from Him, wasting of your time on him, weakening of your energy, and dispersing of your attention. So, if you are tested with this - and you must be tested with this - deal with him according to how Allah would wish, and be patient with him as much as possible. Get closer to Allah and His Pleasure by way of this person, and make your getting together with him something to benefit from, not something to incur a loss from. Be with him as if you are a man who is on a road who was stopped by another man, who then asks you to take him on your journey. Make sure that you are the one who gives him a ride, and that he is not the one giving you the ride. If he refuses, and there is nothing to gain from traveling with him, do not stop for him, bid him farewell, and do not even turn back to look at him, as he is a highway robber regardless of who he really is.

So, save your heart, be wary of how you spend your days and nights, and do not let the Sun set before you arrive at your destination.”114

“So, the student of knowledge should abandon socialization, as this is from the most crucial things that he can do, especially in regards to members of the opposite gender, and especially with those who spend most of their time in amusement and little of their time in thought, as the nature of others can rob you of your own. The harms of socialization include the passing of your life without any benefit, as well as the decline of your wealth and religious commitment if this socialization were to occur with the wrong people.

The student of knowledge should not mix except with those who he can benefit or can benefit from. If he is offered the friendship of one who will waste his time with him, will not benefit him, will not benefit from him, and will not assist him in reaching his objective, he should politely end the relationship from the start before it progresses to something deeper, as when something becomes established, it becomes more difficult to change it. There is a phrase that is constantly on the tongues of the scholars: ‘Repelling something is easier than removing it.’ If he requires someone to befriend, let that person be righteous, religious, pious, wary, intelligent, full of benefit, having little evil, good at complying and rarely conflicting, reminding him if he forgets, cooperating with him when he is reminded, helpful if he is in need, and comforting if he is in distress.”115

Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have Mercy on him) said:

“Know that not everyone is suitable to be your friend. You must verify that this potential friend has the necessary characteristics that make friendship with him something to be desired. The one you seek to befriend must have five characteristics:

• He must be intelligent. There is no good in befriending an idiot, as he will only harm you when he wants to benefit you. By intelligent, we mean one he understands things as they are on his own or if they are explained to him.

• He must have good manners, and this is a must. One who is simply intelligent might be overcome by anger or desire, and obey his desire. Thus, there would be no benefit in befriending him.

• He must not be a fasiq. Such a person would not fear Allah, and whoever does not fear Allah cannot be trusted.

• He must not be an innovator, as there is a fear of being overtaken by his innovation.

• He should not be eager for the dunya.

‘Umar bin al-Khattab (may Allah be Pleased with him) said: “Stick with your true brothers.

You can live in comfort with them, as they are a delight in times of ease, and you can lean on them in times of hardship. Assume the best about your brother until he comes with something that should alarm you from him. Avoid your enemy, and beware of befriending anyone but the trustworthy, and there is no trust for the one who doesn’t fear Allah. Do not befriend the corrupt, as he will teach you his corruption, and do not reveal your secrets to him, and only consult those who fear Allah, the Exalted.” Yahya bin Mu’adh said: “A friend is the one who you don’t have to remind to remember you in his supplication, and that you don’t have to flatter and impress, and that you don’t have to apologize to.” And Abu Ja’far said to his companions: “Can any of you put his hand in the pocket of his brother and take what he wants?” They replied: “No.” He said: “Then you are not brothers as you claim.”

And each of you has certain rights upon his brother.

You should fulfill his needs, and this is of levels. The least is that you gladly fulfill his needs when you are able and he asks you. Better than this is that you fulfill them before he even asks you, and better than all of this is that you put his needs before your own.

You should remain silent regarding him at times, and speak at times. As for your silence, you should be quiet about his faults, both in his presence and absence. You should not argue or dispute with him, and shouldn’t ask him about personal things that he wouldn’t want to reveal. If you happen to see him somewhere, don’t ask where he is going, as it might be that he doesn’t want anyone to know. Don’t reveal his secrets, even if you fall into a feud afterwards. Also, don’t insult his friends and family, and don’t inform him if others happen to insult him.

Don’t say anything that could annoy him except if this involves something that must be said, such as commanding the good or forbidding the evil, as this would actually be a way of being good to him.

And know that you will never find a friend who is completely free of faults. Instead, look for someone whose good qualities outweigh his bad. Once you are stricter in judging people than you are in judging yourself, you fall into Allah’s Saying:

{“Those who, when they have to receive by measure from men, demand full measure, and when they have to give by measure or weight to men, give less than their due.”}116

And know that one of the greatest means by which hatred and envy come between two brothers is useless argumentation. This leads to nothing but each side trying to show itself as being better and smarter than the other, belittling the other, etc. And he who picks arguments with his brother has essentially made him out to be stupid, low, heedless, and incompetent, and all of this is considered belittlement. This inflames the heart and makes one person hate the other, and this is all contradictory to what brotherhood is all about.

The rights of brotherhood also entail that you say certain things. Just as you have to remain silent from saying what you shouldn’t say, you should also say what should be said. In fact, this is from the most particular rights of brotherhood, because the one who wants to befriend the mute can go to the graveyard. The point of brotherhood is that you benefit from your brother, not that you are relieved of him. So, you should strengthen your ties of brotherhood with words by asking about him, asking how things are going, let him know that you are concerned about him, and be happy with what makes him happy.

You should refer to him in the best light and praise him to others for the good that you know of him. You should also speak well of his family, children, actions – even his character, intellect, appearance, personality – and everything that can make him happy without going into extremes or saying what is untrue. Likewise, you should inform him if someone says something good about him while showing him that you are happy about this, as to hide such joy is tantamount to envy.

You should thank him for anything he does for you, and defend him in his absence if he is mentioned in a bad light, as the right between brothers is that they rush to defend and assist one another.

You should teach and advise him, as your brother’s need for knowledge is not any less than his need for money. So, if you have been blessed with a wealth of knowledge, distribute it and guide him.

And you should advise him in secret, and the difference between advising and condemning is whether you do it in public or private. Likewise, the difference between ignoring the fault of your brother and compromising with him is all in the purpose of doing so. So, if you ignore his fault for the sake of a religious benefit, or you see that this will lead to his longterm benefit, you are not compromising. If you put aside his fault for your own personal benefit, you are compromising.

You should supplicate for your brother during his life and after his death for everything you want for yourself. Abu ad-Darda’ (may Allah be Pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The supplication of a Muslim man for his brother in his absence is accepted, and there is an Angel appointed for each supplication of a man for his brother with good who says: ‘Allah, accept it, and give him the same that he asks for his friend,’”117 and Abu ad-Darda’ used to supplicate for many of his brothers, mentioning them by name in his supplications. Likewise, Ahmad bin Hambal used to supplicate at dawn for six specific individuals.

You should make a pact to love your brother until death, and to love his family and friends after his death. You should also not stop being humble with him even if you end up exceeding him in wealth and status. From the implications of this pact is also that you do not listen to criticism of your friend from others, and that you do not befriend his enemies.

You should also not task him with what he cannot bear. Rather, you should try to relieve him of his own concerns and pressures, and should not use his friendship to get to his wealth or resources, and should not pressure him to go out of his way to help you. Rather, your love of him should only be for Allah’s Pleasure and to deal with him in an easygoing and reserved manner, so that he would not hesitate to ask of you what you would ask of him.

Ja’far bin Muhammad said: “The most difficult friends are those who are a burden on me and I try to avoid, and the easiest of friends are those whose presence is just as burdensome as their absence (i.e. they are not at all burdensome).”118

So, the student of knowledge should be sure to avoid those who should not be befriended in order to preserve his time and protect his heart. He should choose the friend who will help him in the matters of his religion and the Hereafter, and al-Khawarizmi (may Allah have Mercy on him) said:

Do not befriend one who is lazy * How many righteous people have been corrupted by the corrupt?

The steadfast are quickly infected by the lazy * And burning coals simmer down when thrown into ashes.