We often make an assumption that the average man might be naturally confrontational or hostile to Islam and Muslims. We all, of course, process media information in different ways; there are those who might be more susceptible to stereotyping than others depending on their background information, demographics and genuine concerns. When the prisoner Thumāma ibn Uthāl (Allāh be pleased with him) decided to accept Islam, he said to the Prophet (peace be upon him) that there was nothing he despised more than “your land, but now your land has become the most beloved of lands to me”. This means that his Othering of Islam and Muslims effected not only his perception of the Prophet (peace be upon him), but also of the land associated with the Prophet (peace be upon him). The Prophet’s (peace be upon him)

blessed face, his religion and city were all a point of concern for Thumāma, but the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) transformative character and forbearance opened a new space of understanding for the prisoner. Though he initially assumed that the Prophet (peace be upon him) could in fact have him killed, he also knew that his release from captivity was a possibility.

In our engagement with others, we should remember that we as humans are mostly comforted by similar things – displays of kindness and mercy. Allāh describes the Prophet (peace be upon him) as an embodiment of merciful character: “And We have not sent you (O Muḥammad) except as a mercy to the worlds.” (Qur’ān 21:107) Mercy, compassion and empathy are interlinked features of the best of what all people seek. We prefer mercy over harshness, forbearance over rage, kindness over cruelty. The Prophet (peace be upon him)

instructed that kindness be applied in every situation, once teaching his wife ‘Ā’isha (Allāh be pleased with her): “Kindness is not found in something except that it makes it beautiful, and it is not removed from something except that it makes it tarnished.” Allāh describes Himself with the most beautiful names of Al-Raḥmān, Al-Raḥīm - the Merciful, Gracious, Bestower of Mercy. Allāh commands mercy in every situation and will deal with us in relation to our dealings with others. The Prophet (peace be upon him) explained, “The merciful will be shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One in the heavens will have mercy upon you.”127

Ibn al-Qayyim explained the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) words:

“And Allāh is merciful, and He loves the merciful ones, and He veils the sins of people and He loves those who veil the sins of others ”Whoever pardons others, Allāh will pardon him; whoever forgives others, Allāh will forgive him; whoever excuses others, Allāh will excuse him; whoever shows excellence unto others, Allāh will deal excellently towards him. As you do so shall be done unto you, so be how you choose for indeed Allāh will be unto you as you are unto His servants.”128 In order for the truth of empathic concern to be realised and to offset tendencies of othering and dehumanisation, it is a holistic appreciation of mercy that needs to be realised. In everything around us, among humans and animals there is a part of that mercy which Allāh bestowed upon creation. This is something the Muslim must never lose sight of.

All people, Muslims and non-Muslims alike, have something of mercy – of kindness, compassion, empathy, love, and so our approaches, interactions and communication must be inspired by the same spirit of mercy. The Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to have a general mercy for all, to look upon creation with an eye of compassion:

“Abū Mūsa Al-Ash‘arī reported: The Messenger of Allāh, peace and blessings be upon him, said: ‘You will never have faith until you love each other. Shall I tell you what will make you love each other?

They said, ‘Of course, O Messenger of Allāh.’ The Prophet said: Spread peace between yourselves. By the one in whose hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you are merciful.

They said, ‘O Messenger of Allāh, all of us are merciful.’ The Prophet said: Actually, it is not mercy between yourselves, but rather it is mercy in general, it is mercy in general.”129

“Empathy is the capacity to share the happiness or sadness, the emotions and feelings of another person. This ability leads to understanding, to compassion and to a wide range of other connections between people. There are two ways that we are able to experience empathy: one, because we have been in the situation that the other person has. We know from personal experience how it feels, and the other is because we can imagine how they feel. Our ability to imagine may come from a similar experience of our own, from a story of a friend or family member who has had that experience or from the observations of what happens to a stranger. And although empathy can be a way of sharing someone else’s joy or happiness, the empathy that connects difficulties is the one that’s most likely to move us to action.

Understanding the troubles of others can bring a focused response, a focused kind of help by trying to right a wrong, by trying to fix a problem, or simply by sharing an understanding.

These actions can be as simple as a smile or as complex as an international relief effort in Haiti.”130 (04:03-05:19)

What Dr. Lisa Rossbacher touches upon is the idea that human codes of behaviour exist in a universal sense, between all humans, and therefore feeling for others is reflective in both a physical and figurative way. It invokes feelings of one’s own vulnerability and with a recognising that the dominant emotions prevalent in war – fear – is universal to all humans including enemy populations. It is ‘in the acknowledgement of one’s own vulnerability lies the beginning of empathy.’131

This ‘overlapping’ of one’s self onto another’s experience stems from the relationship between feelings of trust or empathy and morality. One can imagine the pain or pleasure or future bearing of a person’s life through a consideration of one’s own pain and pleasure, and thus prevents us from acting solely on self-interest to provide an incentive to perceive one’s self from the vantage point of others.132 Naomi Head notes that despite the philosophical richness of empathy in the discourses of Western thinkers such as Adam Smith, Rousseau, Hannah Arendt and Martha Nussbaum, focus on empathy in International Relations theories have not received much attention.133 It is in the imagining of the unknown who dwell in unknown spaces that makes the action of empathy a challenging, yet necessary prospect. How might we transport ourselves, our experiences, feelings and thoughts into a life and landscape of the unknown, too bare and bleak to be understood? What names might we assign the nameless, what voice unto the voiceless and what life might we render unto the buried? It is in trying to imagine, sometimes the unimaginable, that empathy begins to figure. This can be seen here in an account of Viktor Frankl in which he juxtaposes the deeply melancholic and fear-evoking with the intensity of relief expressed through joy of prisoners on a journey from Auschwitz to Dachau, Viktor Frankl is unequivocal in emphasising the remarkably unique nature of his experience:

Though there can never be a full understanding of the context and factors that make up another person’s life circumstances or what a person must have ‘felt’ in that circumstance, there is nonetheless a realisation, through critical self-reflection of one’s own vulnerability, what one had felt (mediated by the gradients of memory) at a similar moment. It need not mimic the circumstance, setting, value of gender or time in history, but is existential in as much as ‘feeling for’ contributes to our very own make up of ‘self’. When the Muslim speaks with others, he or she should be able to insert their own empathetic considerations onto the addressee. Mothers are able to ‘feel’ out of their own maternal considerations, fathers too can appreciate the challenges and joys of fatherhood. People in a society can relate to the same kinds of social concerns like street crime, rise in housing costs, university tuition fees, retirement and loneliness.

Empathy is the ability to share in the emotions of another person, in his or her happiness or sadness. This can be done through perspective taking, recalling a time wherein we had been in the same or similar situation. We knew how such an experience felt and can appreciate how that other person is feeling. Such cognitive processing can produce strong emotions of compassion, of sympathy and so many other connections between people. We might even associate with another’s feelings due to what we know of them and due to the degree of closeness to them. This is shown beautifully in the following narration:

“The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘A man felt very thirsty while he was on the way, there he came across a well. He went down the well, quenched his thirst and came out.

Meanwhile he saw a dog panting and licking mud because of excessive thirst. He said to himself, “This dog is suffering from thirst as I did.’ So, he went down the well again and filled his shoe with water and watered it. Allāh thanked him for that deed and forgave him.

The people said, ‘O Allāh’s Messenger! Is there a reward for us in serving the animals?’ He replied: ‘Yes, there is a reward for serving any living being.’”137

The Prophet (peace be upon him) was concerned about people learning to have empathy for others. That is, we are able to perspective-take, to note how others feel in different situations.

The tradition is edifying in so many ways. It teaches us to consider human emotions, sensitivities and boundaries in our relationship with others. It reminds us that in our human instincts and tendencies, we are similar at many levels and in particular with respect to feelings for ‘our’ selves. Absolute binaries of Self and Otherness are challenged in this tradition in that it places the self and others, ‘people’, and ‘their mothers/daughters/sisters…’ in a frame of togetherness. The frame of togetherness and the perspective taking is illustrative in the following narration:

“Abu Umāma reported: A young man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “O Messenger of Allāh, give me permission to commit adultery.” The people turned to rebuke him, saying, “Quiet! Quiet!” The Prophet said, “Come here.” The young man came close and he told him to sit down. The Prophet said, “Would you like that for your mother?” The man said, “No, by Allāh, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their mothers. Would you like that for your daughter?” The man said, “No, by Allāh, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their daughters. Would you like that for your sister?” The man said, “No, by Allāh, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their sisters. Would you like that for your aunts?” The man said, “No, by Allāh, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their aunts.” Then, the Prophet placed his hand on him and he said, “O Allāh, forgive his sins, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” After that, the young man never again inclined to anything sinful.” In another narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to him, “Then hate what Allāh has hated, and love for your brother what you love for yourself.”138

Empathy is also about communicating your understanding of another person’s feelings. It provides great relief when someone else identifies with your feelings and you know that your distress or concern is worthy enough to be listened to. It goes a very long way, when speaking with someone who is recounting a personal story, tragedy, or sharing a good news, to reassure them, or to acknowledge their difficulties or happiness. In such circumstances, you may express their importance by simply uttering “It sounds like you had a really difficult time. Tell me more about it/how did you cope?” The simple saying of “tell me more…” about a happy or a sad description puts the person in a place of importance. It then makes your words, guidance and instruction better received and appreciated.

Some of the most evocative accounts of empathy emerge in the most precarious situations.

With realisation of a sense of finality or in the context of an act of defiance, humans can be propelled into enacting behaviours that are not typical even in the said circumstances. These might be viewed as indeed atypical in so much as the contexts to which they belong and the sense of self-sacrifice found in them. The ‘sharing’ in another’s pain, the ‘imagining’ of that pain is, as Rossbacher defined, the foundation of empathy.

Tzvetan Todorov draws upon several examples of Holocaust victims who, faced with death, chose to pre-empt their own ‘subsequent’ deaths by dying alongside others. Todorov describes the case of J. Kosciuszkowa who describes a mother who gave birth in Auschwitz.

Though she had hidden the baby for five months, when he was found and taken from her, she chose to go with him, “clutching her son to her breast, she carried him into the gas chambers.”146

Another case Todorov mentions is that of a Dutch woman who, when her husband was selected for the gas chambers, chose to go with him.147 The way that we interpret empathy, its actualisation, significance and effect will vary depending on different situations. David Guez, a Jewish individual forced into hiding during Nazi rule of North Africa commented on the brave role played by Arab Muslims during the Holocaust. He describes an Arab gentleman who would afford him an extra loaf of bread: “sometimes it was simply an extra loaf of bread that made the greatest difference to us.”148

Empathy, as Rossbacher commented can be as simple as a smile – though a smile in a precarious moment in which there is an absence of all that would socially abjure the symbol of a smile is a profound empathising. An illustration of the significance of something as simple a smile in the context of alienation and Othering, of even mass suffering and genocide of Others is seen in a remarkable rescuing initiative of Pastor Andre Trocme. In 1942 when deportation of Jews began in France, in the village of Le Chambon, France, Pastor Andre Trocme and his wife Magda became increasingly concerned to help in the effort to rescue Jews fleeing deportation to concentration camps. With other parishes, the Trocmes encouraged their congregations to shelter Jews and for their cities to become cities of refuge.

Empathy is an imagined storying and the actors can be very much one’s own. The storying is told on one’s own canvas. If re-humanising requires the ability to empathise then the fine points we recognise in our own physical and emotional being need to be considered in other people. The best example of the way simple gestures can have a transformative effect on the lives of others, and draw people closer to Allāh comes from the Prophet (peace be upon him). He taught that the conveying of the Islamic call is the entirety of you. Words well-spoken can have a lasting impact. It is often the ‘how’ of what is said that transcends the ‘what’ of whatever was said.

After the conquest of Makkah, one of the Makkans, Fuḍāla ibn Umayr, though having nominally accepted Islam, was keen on revenge, and had vowed to assassinate the Prophet (peace be upon him). As the Prophet (peace be upon him) was performing ṭawāf (circumambulation of the Ka‘ba), Fuḍāla had hidden his sword under his clothing and was preparing himself for the dastardly deed he was about to commit. Instantly, he found himself within reach of the Prophet (peace be upon him). The Prophet looked up at Fuḍāla and asked, “What is it that you were saying to yourself?” Fuḍāla brushed off the question by saying he was simply praising Allāh. The Prophet (peace be upon him) smiled at Fuḍāla and said, “Ask Allāh to forgive you,” placing his hand on Fuḍāla’s chest. Fuḍāla would later say, “By Allāh, from the moment he lifted his hand from my chest, there remained nothing of Allāh’s creation except that he was more beloved to me than it.”153

To further emphasise the great importance of leaving an impression and displaying integrity of character on others, the Prophet (peace be upon him) smiled and displayed patient forbearance when Abu Bakr (Allāh be pleased with him) abstained from responding to an individual who was insulting him. When, however, Abu Bakr resorted to meeting the man’s words with similar retorts, the Prophet (peace be upon him) became angry and left. He (peace be upon him) later explained, “An angel was with you, responding on your behalf. But when you said back to him some of what he said, a devil arrived, and it is not for me to sit with devils.”154

There is great learning here for the Muslims. Sometimes people react to Muslims the way the media has prepared them to react – with fear and ignorance. Images of women in burqa, sensationalist headlines, stories of immigration, war, conflict, as well as, isolated stories of misconduct, are amplified in the media and have a strong bearing on people’s perceptions of others. So too were the Makkans of Quraysh interested in exhilarating a campaign of slander against the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) was keen to show and teach that the believers should not lose sight of their focus in conveying the call to Islam in such hostile environments. There is a point about survival or even saving face in such environments, and another about leaving a beautiful message about Islam, through words or character. In the example of Abu Bakr, we are reminded that the devil is ever keen that any goodness we might have set out to achieve is derailed when a person stoops to the level of those who he is insulted by. Our actions and behaviour ought to be driven by Islamic principles of beautiful conduct.