لقد اختلف الناس منذ القدم اختلافًا كبيرًا في مسألة الاختلاط والعزلة، فذهب فريق إلى القول بأن المرء ينبغي أن يخالط الناس دائمًا، وذهب فريق آخر إلى القول بأن المرء ينبغي أن يعتزل الناس دائمًا، وكلٌّ منهم راضٍ برأيه.

People have always been greatly divided over the issue of mixing and seclusion. So, some went with the opinion that one should always mix with the people, and some went with the opinion that one should always seclude himself from the people, and everyone is satisfied with his point of view.

وقد تكلّم شيخ الإسلام ابن تيمية (رحمه الله) في هذه المسألة وبيّن موضع النزاع، فقال:

And Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have Mercy on him) touched upon this issue and clarified the dispute, saying:

هذه المسألة - وإن اختلف الناس فيها، جزئيًا أو كليًا - فإن حقيقتها أن مخالطة الناس قد تكون واجبة أو مستحبة أحيانًا، وقد يكون الشخص نفسه مكلفًا بمخالطة الآخرين في وقت، ومكلفًا بالاعتزال عنهم في وقت آخر.

“This issue - even though the people have differed over it, either partially or completely - the reality of it is that mixing with the people is sometimes obligatory or recommended. The same individual can sometimes be obligated to mix with others, and can at other times be obligated to separate from them.

The way to properly reconcile between these two stands is to realize that mixing, if it involves cooperation upon good and piety, is obligatory, and if it involves cooperation upon sin and transgression, is forbidden. Mixing with the Muslims for the purpose of congregational acts of worship, such as the five prayers, the Friday prayer, the 'Id prayer, the eclipse prayer, the prayer for rain (istisqa'), etc., is from what Allah and His Messenger ﷺ commanded. Such is also the case when mixing with the people during the Hajj, to fight the disbelievers, Khawarij, and rebels, even if the leaders of and participants in such activities are corrupt. This is also the case with a gathering in which the worshipper can increase his faith - either because of it benefiting him, or he benefiting it.

The way to properly reconcile between these two stands is to realize that mixing, if it involves cooperation upon good and piety, is obligatory, and if it involves cooperation upon sin and transgression, is forbidden. Mixing with the Muslims for the purpose of congregational acts of worship, such as the five prayers, the Friday prayer, the 'Id prayer, the eclipse prayer, the prayer for rain (istisqa'), etc., is from what Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) commanded. Such is also the case when mixing with the people during the Hajj, to fight the disbelievers, Khawarij, and rebels, even if the leaders of and participants in such activities are corrupt. This is also the case with a gathering in which the worshipper can increase his faith - either because of it benefiting him, or he benefiting it.

ويحتاج الإنسان إلى وقت خالٍ يتفرغ فيه للدعاء والذكر والصلاة والتفكر، ومحاسبة نفسه، وإصلاح قلبه. وهذه أمور لا يشاركه فيها أحد من الناس، وهي شؤون تحتاج إلى أن يُعنى بها الإنسان على وجه الانفراد، سواء في البيت أو في غيره، كما قال طاووس: «نِعْمَ الصَّوْمَعَةُ البَيْتُ، يُمْسِكُ فيه المرءُ بصرَهُ ولسانَهُ». فلا يصح أن يخالط الناس مخالطةً مطلقةً بلا ضابط، ولا يصح أن يعتزل الناس اعتزالاً مطلقاً بلا ضابط. أما مقدار ما يحتاجه كل شخص من كلٍّ منهما، وما هو الأصلح له في كل حال، فهذا أمرٌ يحتاج إلى مزيد من البحث والنظر.

And a person must have time alone to engage in supplication, remembrance, prayer, reflection, take himself to account, and rectify his heart. These are issues that nobody else can participate with him in, and these are affairs that need to be seen to on an individual basis, whether at home or otherwise, as Tawus said: “How excellent of a refuge is the home! In it, one can restrain his gaze and his tongue.” So, it is incorrect to mix with people unrestrictedly, and it is incorrect to seclude yourself from people unrestrictedly. As for exactly how much every person needs of each, and what is best for him at all times, this is something that requires further investigation.

والأفضل أن يختار المرء أحيانًا من أنواع العبادة بحسب فضلها في ذاتها (فالصلاة في ذاتها أفضل من تلاوة القرآن، والتلاوة أفضل من الذكر، والذكر أفضل من الدعاء)، وأحيانًا بحسب الوقت الذي هو فيه (فالتلاوة والذكر والدعاء بعد الفجر والعصر مقدَّمة على الصلاة)، وأحيانًا بحسب الهيئة الجسدية التي هو عليها (فالذكر والدعاء في الركوع والسجود مشروعان بدلًا من تلاوة القرآن، والذكر والدعاء في الطواف مشروعان بالإجماع، بينما تلاوة القرآن في الطواف محل خلاف)، وأحيانًا بحسب مكانه (فما يُشرع في عرفة والمزدلفة والجمرات والصفا والمروة هو الذكر والدعاء بدلًا من الصلاة، وطواف البيت الحرام للزائر أفضل من الصلاة، والصلاة أفضل لأهل مكة)، وأحيانًا بحسب مدى مناسبة العبادة للشخص (فالجهاد للرجال أفضل من الحج، وجهاد المرأة الحج، وطاعة الزوج أفضل لذات الزوج من طاعة الأب، بخلاف المرأة غير المتزوجة التي أُمرت بطاعة أبيها)، وأحيانًا بحسب قدرة العبد، فالعبادة التي يقدر عليها أفضل له من العبادة التي لا يقدر عليها، وإن كان ما لا يقدر عليه أفضل في ذاته. وهذه نقطة يغلو فيها كثير من الناس ويتبعون أهواءهم: فبعضهم يرى عملًا معينًا أفضل له بسبب ظروفه الخاصة، أو لأنه أنفع لقلبه وأقرب إلى طاعة ربه، فيحب أن يجعل هذا العمل أفضل الأعمال لكل من حوله، ثم يشرع في أمرهم بأن يفعلوا مثله.

What is best is that one sometimes pick from the various types of worship based on their inherent virtue (prayer is in itself better than recitation of the Qur’an, and recitation is better than dhikr, and dhikr is better than supplication), and sometimes based on what time of day he is in (recitation, dhikr, and supplication after Fajr and ‘Asr are preferred over prayer), and sometimes based on the physical position he is in (dhikr and supplication in bowing and prostration are legislated instead of recitation of the Qur’an, and dhikr and supplication during tawaf is legislated by consensus, while recitation of the Qur’an during tawaf is differed over), and sometimes based on his location (what is legislated at ‘Arafah, Muzdalifah, at the Jamar, and at Safa and Marwah is dhikr and supplication instead of prayer, etc. and tawaf of the Sacred House for the visitor is better than prayer, and prayer is better for the inhabitants of Makkah), and sometimes based on the appropriateness of the worship for the person (Jihad for men is better than Hajj, while the jihad of women is Hajj, and obedience to the husband is better than obedience to the father for the married woman, as opposed to the single woman who is commanded to obey her father), and sometimes based on the capability of the servant, as the worship he is capable of is better for him than the worship he is incapable of, even if what he is incapable of is inherently better. This is a point where many people go to extremes and follow their desires: some people who see a certain action as being better for them due to their own circumstances, or due to it being more beneficial to their heart and a better way to obey their Lord, wish to then make this the best action for everyone around them, and proceeds to command them to do the same.

وَبَعَثَ اللهُ مُحَمَّدًا ﷺ بِالْكِتَابِ وَالْحِكْمَةِ، وَجَعَلَهُ رَحْمَةً وَهُدًى لِلْعِبَادِ، يَأْمُرُ كُلَّ إِنْسَانٍ بِمَا هُوَ الأَصْلَحُ لَهُ. فَيَنْبَغِي لِلْمُسْلِمِ أَنْ يَكُونَ نَاصِحًا لِكُلِّ إِنْسَانٍ، يُرِيدُ لَهُ الخَيْرَ.112

And Allah sent Muhammad (peace be upon him) with the Book and Wisdom, and made him to be a mercy and guide for the servants, commanding each person with what is best for them. So, the Muslim should be a well-wisher to every person, wanting what is best for them.”112

وكان العلماء – رضي الله عنهم – يخالطون الناس ويعلّمونهم، مع كونهم أحرصَ الناس على عدم إضاعة أوقاتهم، وكان أحمد – رضي الله عنه – أصبرَ الناس على الخلوة، مع أنه كان إمامَ الدنيا في زمانه. قال ابنه عبد الله:

And the scholars – may Allah be Pleased with them – would mix with the people and teach them while simultaneously being the most careful of people of wasting their time, and Ahmad (may Allah be Pleased with him) was the most patient of people upon being alone, despite the fact that he was the imam of the world during his time. His son, ‘Abdullah, said:

كان أبي يخرج إلى طرسوس مشياً على الأقدام، وحجّ مرتين أو ثلاثاً مشياً على الأقدام، وكان أصبر الناس على الوحدة. أما بِشر، مع منزلته، فلم يكن يستطيع أن يبقى وحده، بل كان دائماً يخرج ليزور هذا وذاك.113

“My father went out to Tarsus on foot, performed Hajj two or three times on foot, and he was the most patient of people upon being alone. Bishr, despite his status, was unable to remain by himself, and would always go out to see this person and that.”113

فَلَا يَنْبَغِي أَنْ تُخَالِطَ وَتُجَالِسَ مَنْ كَانَ قَلْبُهُ مَيِّتًا، فَإِنَّهُ كَقَاطِعِ الطَّرِيقِ، وَإِنَّمَا يَنْبَغِي أَنْ تُجَالِسَ مَنْ يَزِيدُكَ إِيمَانًا وَعَمَلًا.

So, mixing and socialization should not be with one who has a dead heart, as he is like a highway robber. Rather, it should be with one who will increase you in faith and action.

قال ابن القيم:

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

"صاحبُ القلبِ الميّتِ سيجعلك تشعر بالوحدة. فاغتنمْ غيبتَه بأقصى ما تستطيع، لأنك لن تشعر بالوحدة إلا وهو معك. وإن ابتُليتَ بمجالسته، فأعطِه ظاهرَ اهتمامك، وانصرفْ عنه بقلبك، وافصلْ باطنَك عنه، ولا تدعْه يشغلك عمّا هو أحقُّ بعنايتك."

“The one with a dead heart will make you feel lonely. So, take advantage of his absence as much as possible, because you will not feel lonely except when he is with you. If you are put to trial with him, give him your outer attention, wander from him with your heart, separate your inner self from him, and do not let him distract you from what is more deserving of your attention.

إنَّ أعظمَ الخسارةِ أن تشتغلَ بمن لا يجلبُ لك إلا الخسارةَ في وقتِك مع اللهِ عزَّ وجلَّ، وانقطاعَك عنه، وإضاعةَ وقتِك عليه، وإضعافَ طاقتِك، وتشتيتَ انتباهِك. فإن ابتُليتَ بهذا - ولا بدَّ أن تُبتلى به - فعامِلْه بما يرضي اللهَ، واصبرْ عليه ما استطعتَ. وتقرّبْ إلى اللهِ ورضوانِه عن طريقِ هذا الإنسانِ، واجعلْ مخالطتَك له مما يُنتفَعُ به، لا مما يُخسَرُ به. وكنْ معه كرجلٍ في طريقٍ أوقفه رجلٌ آخرُ، فسأله أن يحملَه معه في رحلتِه. فاحرصْ أن تكونَ أنتَ الذي تُقِلُّه، لا أن يكونَ هو الذي يُقِلُّك. فإن أبى، ولم يكنْ في السفرِ معه مصلحةٌ، فلا تقفْ له، وودِّعْه، ولا تلتفتْ إليه حتى، فإنه قاطعُ طريقٍ أيًّا كان في حقيقتِه.

Know that the greatest of losses is for you to be preoccupied with one who will bring you nothing but a loss in your time with Allah - the Mighty and Majestic - and being cut off from Him, wasting of your time on him, weakening of your energy, and dispersing of your attention. So, if you are tested with this - and you must be tested with this - deal with him according to how Allah would wish, and be patient with him as much as possible. Get closer to Allah and His Pleasure by way of this person, and make your getting together with him something to benefit from, not something to incur a loss from. Be with him as if you are a man who is on a road who was stopped by another man, who then asks you to take him on your journey. Make sure that you are the one who gives him a ride, and that he is not the one giving you the ride. If he refuses, and there is nothing to gain from traveling with him, do not stop for him, bid him farewell, and do not even turn back to look at him, as he is a highway robber regardless of who he really is.

فَاحْفَظْ قَلْبَكَ، وَاحْذَرْ كَيْفَ تُمْضِي أَيَّامَكَ وَلَيَالِيَكَ، وَلَا تَدَعِ الشَّمْسَ تَغِيبُ قَبْلَ أَنْ تَصِلَ إِلَى وِجْهَتِكَ.114

So, save your heart, be wary of how you spend your days and nights, and do not let the Sun set before you arrive at your destination.”114

فَينبغي لطالب العلم أن يترك المخالطة، فإنها من أهم ما يفعله، خاصة فيما يتعلق بأفراد الجنس الآخر، وخاصة مع من يقضي أكثر أوقاته في اللهو وقليلها في التفكر، إذ إن طباع الآخرين قد تسلب منك طباعك. ومن أضرار المخالطة: مرور العمر دون أي فائدة، وكذلك نقصان المال والالتزام الديني إن وقعت هذه المخالطة مع أشخاص غير صالحين.

“So, the student of knowledge should abandon socialization, as this is from the most crucial things that he can do, especially in regards to members of the opposite gender, and especially with those who spend most of their time in amusement and little of their time in thought, as the nature of others can rob you of your own. The harms of socialization include the passing of your life without any benefit, as well as the decline of your wealth and religious commitment if this socialization were to occur with the wrong people.

ينبغي لطالب العلم ألّا يخالط إلا من ينتفع به أو ينتفع هو به. فإذا عُرضت عليه صداقة من يضيّع وقته معه، ولا ينفعه، ولا ينتفع منه، ولا يعينه على بلوغ غايته، فينبغي له أن ينهي العلاقة برفق منذ البداية، قبل أن تتطور إلى ما هو أعمق، لأن الأمر إذا استقر صار تغييره أشق. وقد جرت على ألسنة العلماء عبارة دائمة: «دفع الشيء أيسر من رفعه». وإن احتاج إلى من يصادقه، فليكن ذلك الشخص صالحًا، متدينًا، تقيًّا، ورعًا، عاقلًا، كثير النفع، قليل الشر، حسن الاستجابة، نادرًا ما يخالف، يذكّره إذا نسي، ويعاونه إذا ذُكّر، ويساعده عند حاجته، ويواسيه عند ضيقه.115

The student of knowledge should not mix except with those who he can benefit or can benefit from. If he is offered the friendship of one who will waste his time with him, will not benefit him, will not benefit from him, and will not assist him in reaching his objective, he should politely end the relationship from the start before it progresses to something deeper, as when something becomes established, it becomes more difficult to change it. There is a phrase that is constantly on the tongues of the scholars: ‘Repelling something is easier than removing it.’ If he requires someone to befriend, let that person be righteous, religious, pious, wary, intelligent, full of benefit, having little evil, good at complying and rarely conflicting, reminding him if he forgets, cooperating with him when he is reminded, helpful if he is in need, and comforting if he is in distress.”115

قال ابنُ قُدامةَ (رحمه الله):

Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have Mercy on him) said:

اعلم أن ليس كل أحد يصلح أن يكون صديقاً لك. يجب عليك أن تتحقق من أن هذا الصديق المرتقب يتصف بالصفات اللازمة التي تجعل صحبته أمراً مرغوباً فيه. ويجب أن يتصف الشخص الذي تسعى إلى مصادقته بخمس صفات:

“Know that not everyone is suitable to be your friend. You must verify that this potential friend has the necessary characteristics that make friendship with him something to be desired. The one you seek to befriend must have five characteristics:

يَجِبُ أَنْ يَكُونَ عَاقِلًا. لَا خَيْرَ فِي مُصَادَقَةِ الأَحْمَقِ، فَإِنَّهُ يُؤْذِيكَ حِينَ يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَنْفَعَكَ. وَنَعْنِي بِالعَاقِلِ مَنْ يُدْرِكُ الأُمُورَ عَلَى حَقِيقَتِهَا بِنَفْسِهِ، أَوْ إِذَا بُيِّنَتْ لَهُ.

• He must be intelligent. There is no good in befriending an idiot, as he will only harm you when he wants to benefit you. By intelligent, we mean one he understands things as they are on his own or if they are explained to him.

يجب أن يكون حسن الخلق، وهذا أمر لا بد منه. فإن الذكيّ وحده قد يغلبه الغضب أو الشهوة فيطيع هواه، ولا فائدة حينئذ في مصاحبته.

• He must have good manners, and this is a must. One who is simply intelligent might be overcome by anger or desire, and obey his desire. Thus, there would be no benefit in befriending him.

يجب ألا يكون فاسقًا، فإن الفاسق لا يخاف الله، ومن لا يخاف الله لا يُؤمَن على شيء.

• He must not be a fasiq. Such a person would not fear Allah, and whoever does not fear Allah cannot be trusted.

لا ينبغي أن يكون صاحب بدعة، إذ يُخشى أن يُدركه الفتنة ببدعته.

• He must not be an innovator, as there is a fear of being overtaken by his innovation.

يَنْبَغِي أَلَّا يَكُونَ حَرِيصًا عَلَى الدُّنْيَا.

• He should not be eager for the dunya.

قال عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله عنه: «الزموا إخوانكم الصادقين.

‘Umar bin al-Khattab (may Allah be Pleased with him) said: “Stick with your true brothers.

تُمكنُك العيشُ معهم في راحة، فهم سرورٌ في أوقات الرخاء، وتستندُ إليهم في أوقات الشدة. أحسِن الظنَّ بأخيك حتى يأتيَك منه ما يُنذرك بخلاف ذلك. واجتنب عدوَّك، واحذر أن تصادق أحدًا إلا الأمينَ الثقة، فلا أمانةَ لمن لا يخاف الله. ولا تصادق الفاسقَ، فإنه سيُعلِّمك من فسقه، ولا تُفشِ إليه أسرارك، ولا تستشِر إلا الذين يخافون الله تعالى. وقال يحيى بن معاذ: الصديقُ هو الذي لا تحتاج أن تذكّره ليذكرك في دعائه، ولا أن تتملّقه وتُزيّن له، ولا أن تعتذر إليه. وقال أبو جعفر لأصحابه: هل يستطيع أحدكم أن يُدخل يده في جيب أخيه فيأخذ ما يريد؟ قالوا: لا. قال: فلستم إخوةً كما تزعمون.

You can live in comfort with them, as they are a delight in times of ease, and you can lean on them in times of hardship. Assume the best about your brother until he comes with something that should alarm you from him. Avoid your enemy, and beware of befriending anyone but the trustworthy, and there is no trust for the one who doesn’t fear Allah. Do not befriend the corrupt, as he will teach you his corruption, and do not reveal your secrets to him, and only consult those who fear Allah, the Exalted.” Yahya bin Mu’adh said: “A friend is the one who you don’t have to remind to remember you in his supplication, and that you don’t have to flatter and impress, and that you don’t have to apologize to.” And Abu Ja’far said to his companions: “Can any of you put his hand in the pocket of his brother and take what he wants?” They replied: “No.” He said: “Then you are not brothers as you claim.”

وَلِكُلِّ وَاحِدٍ مِنْكُمْ حُقُوقٌ مُعَيَّنَةٌ عَلَى أَخِيهِ.

And each of you has certain rights upon his brother.

يجب عليك أن تقضي حاجاته، وهذا على مراتب. أدناها أن تقضيها له بطيب نفس عندما تكون قادرًا عليها ويسألك. وأفضل من هذا أن تقضيها له قبل أن يسألك، وأفضل من ذلك كله أن تقدّم حاجاته على حاجاتك.

You should fulfill his needs, and this is of levels. The least is that you gladly fulfill his needs when you are able and he asks you. Better than this is that you fulfill them before he even asks you, and better than all of this is that you put his needs before your own.

يجب أن تلتزم الصمت بشأنه أحيانًا، وأن تتكلم أحيانًا أخرى. أما صمتك، فينبغي أن تسكت عن عيوبه، سواء في حضوره أو في غيابه. ولا ينبغي أن تجادله أو تخاصمه، ولا أن تسأله عن أموره الشخصية التي لا يرغب في كشفها. وإذا اتفق أن رأيته في مكان ما، فلا تسأله إلى أين يذهب، فربما لا يحب أن يعلم أحد ذلك. ولا تُفشِ أسراره، ولو وقعت بينك وبينه عداوة بعد ذلك. ولا تسبّ أصدقاءه ولا أهله، ولا تُخبره إذا شتمه الآخرون.

You should remain silent regarding him at times, and speak at times. As for your silence, you should be quiet about his faults, both in his presence and absence. You should not argue or dispute with him, and shouldn’t ask him about personal things that he wouldn’t want to reveal. If you happen to see him somewhere, don’t ask where he is going, as it might be that he doesn’t want anyone to know. Don’t reveal his secrets, even if you fall into a feud afterwards. Also, don’t insult his friends and family, and don’t inform him if others happen to insult him.

لا تقل شيئًا قد يُزعجه، إلا إذا كان في الأمر ما يجب قوله، كالأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر، فإن ذلك في الحقيقة إحسانٌ إليه.

Don’t say anything that could annoy him except if this involves something that must be said, such as commanding the good or forbidding the evil, as this would actually be a way of being good to him.

واعلم أنك لن تجد صديقاً خالياً تماماً من العيوب، بل ابحث عن من تغلب محاسنه على مساوئه. فإذا كنتَ أشدَّ في الحكم على الناس منك في الحكم على نفسك، وقعتَ فيما يشير إليه قولُ الله تعالى:

And know that you will never find a friend who is completely free of faults. Instead, look for someone whose good qualities outweigh his bad. Once you are stricter in judging people than you are in judging yourself, you fall into Allah’s Saying:

الَّذِينَ إِذَا اكْتَالُوا عَلَى النَّاسِ يَسْتَوْفُونَ، وَإِذَا كَالُوهُمْ أَوْ وَزَنُوهُمْ يُخْسِرُونَ

{“Those who, when they have to receive by measure from men, demand full measure, and when they have to give by measure or weight to men, give less than their due.”}116