15 Maisha ya Ndoa - Mfumo wa Kijamii katika Uislamu | Quran Course

15 Maisha ya Ndoa - Mfumo wa Kijamii katika Uislamu | Quran Course

Pia Mtume (pbuh) ameamuru wanaume watendee wake zao kwa wema. Imepokewa na Muslim katika Sahih yake kwa mapokezi ya Jabir kwamba Mtume wa Allah ﷺ alisema katika hotuba yake ya Hijjat-ul-wida' (Hija ya kuaga): “Mcheni Allah kuhusu wanawake! Hakika mmewachukua kwa dhamana ya Allah, na tendo la ndoa nao limehalalishwa kwenu kwa neno la Allah. Nanyi mna haki juu yao, kwamba wasiruhusu mtu yeyote kuketi juu ya kitanda chenu ambaye hampendi. Lakini wakifanya hivyo, mnaweza kuwaadhibu lakini si kwa ukali. Haki zao juu yenu ni kwamba mwape chakula na mavazi kwa namna inayostahili.” Pia imepokewa kutoka kwa Mtume ﷺ kwamba alisema: “Aliye bora miongoni mwenu ni yule aliye bora kwa wake zake, nami ni bora wenu kwa wake zangu.” Na pia imepokewa kutoka kwake ﷺ kwamba alikuwa na uhusiano wa karibu na wake zake; alikuwa akicheza nao, akiwa mpole kwao na kufurahi nao, hata alikuwa akishindana mbio na 'A'isha (ra), mama wa waumini, na kwa njia hiyo alishinda upendo wake. Alisema: “Mtume wa Allah ﷺ alishindana nami mbio nikamshinda, hilo lilikuwa kabla sijanenepa. Baadaye nilishindana naye nilipokuwa nimenenepa, akanishinda na akasema: ‘Hii ni (malipo) kwa ile siku (uliponishinda).’” Mtume ﷺ, baada ya kuswali 'Isha, alikuwa akitumia sehemu fupi ya jioni akizungumza na wake zake kabla ya kulala, na hivyo kuunda mazingira ya urafiki. Ibn Maja ameripoti kwamba Mtume ﷺ alisema: “Walio bora miongoni mwenu ni wale walio bora kwa wake zao.” Haya yote yanaonyesha kwamba waume wanapaswa kuwa na mahusiano mema na wake zao. Kwa kuwa mambo yanaweza kutokea katika maisha ya ndoa yanayoweza kuvuruga mpangilio, Allah amempa mume uongozi wa nyumba juu ya mke, yaani amemfanya kuwa mlinzi wake. Yeye (swt) amesema:

Also the Messenger (pbuh) has ordered men to treat their women well. It has been reported by Muslim in his Sahih on the authority of Jabir that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said in his speech at the Hijjat-ul-wida' (farewell Hajj): “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily, you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by the word of Allah. You too have rights over them, they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed whom you do not like. But if they do that you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner.” And it has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh) that He said: “The best amongst you is the one who is best to his wives and I am the best of you to my wives.” And it has been narrated from Him (pbuh) that He had a close relationship with his wives, He would play with them, be mild-mannered toward them and to have fun with them to the extent that He used to race with 'A'isha (ra), the mother of the believers, and with that win her love. She said: “Allah's Messenger (pbuh) raced me and I beat Him, that was before I gained weight. Later I raced Him when I had put on some weight, so He beat me and said: “This was (in return) for that (time when you had beaten me)”. The Prophet (pbuh) after praying 'Isha would spend a short part of the evening chatting with his wives before sleeping thereby creating a friendly atmosphere. Ibn Maja reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said: “The best amongst you are the ones who are best to their wives.” All of this indicates that husbands should have good relations with their wives. Since things may happen in married life that may disturb the order, Allah has granted the leadership of the home to the husband over the wife, i.e. He has been made a guardian over her. He (swt) said:

“Nao wanawake wana haki (juu ya waume zao) zinazofanana (na haki za waume) juu yao kwa namna inayostahili, lakini wanaume wana daraja (ya uwajibikaji) juu yao”. [Al-Baqarah: 228] Pia (Allah) SWT aliamuru mwanamke amtii mumewe. Alisema Mtume ﷺ: “Mwanamke akilala usiku mbali na kitanda cha mumewe, Malaika humlaani mpaka arudi.” Na alimwambia mwanamke mmoja Mtume ﷺ: ‘Je, una mume?’ Akajibu: ‘Ndiyo.’ Akasema: ‘Basi yeye ndiye Peponi (Jannah) kwako na Motoni (Nar).’ Bukhari ameripoti kwamba Mtume ﷺ alisema: ‘Haifai kwa mwanamke kufunga bila ruhusa ya mumewe wakati yupo, wala kumruhusu mtu aingie nyumbani kwake bila ruhusa yake, na chochote anachotumia katika mali yake (kwa sadaka) bila ruhusa yake, nusu ya thawabu itakwenda kwake.’ Ibn Batta ameripoti katika kitabu chake Ahkam an-Nisa (Kitabu cha kanuni zinazohusu wanawake) kwa mapokezi ya Anas kwamba mwanaume mmoja alisafiri na kumkataza mkewe kutoka nje. Baba yake aliugua, hivyo akamwomba Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ ruhusa ya kumtembelea baba yake. Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ akasema: “Mche Allah wala usimwasi mumeo.” Kisha baba yake akafariki. Hivyo akamwomba Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ ruhusa ya kuhudhuria janaza yake (sala ya maiti). Akamwambia: “Mche Allah wala usimwasi mumeo.” Hivyo Allah alimfunulia Mtume ﷺ: “Nimemsamehe dhambi zake kwa sababu ya utii wake kwa mumewe.” (Hadith Qudsi) Shariah imempa mwanaume haki ya kumzuia mkewe asitoke nyumbani, iwe anataka kwenda kuwatembelea au kuwasalimia wazazi wake, au kwa jambo analohitaji, au kwa burudani tu. Hivyo haifai kwake kutoka nje bila ruhusa yake. Hata hivyo, mume hapaswi kumzuia mkewe kuwatembelea na kuwasalimia wazazi wake, kwa sababu hilo litaleta mpasuko kati yao na kumpelekea mkewe kumwasi. Allah (SWT) amewaamuru waishi pamoja kwa heshima. Kumzuia mke asimtembelee wazazi wake si kuishi kwa heshima. Wala mume hapaswi kumzuia kwenda Msikitini, kwa kuwa imepokewa kutoka kwa Mtume ﷺ kwamba alisema: "Msiwazuie watumwa wa kike wa Allah (wanawake) kwenda Misikiti ya Allah". Ikiwa mke atamwasi mumewe, Allah amempa mume haki ya kumwadhibu mkewe. Amesema (SWT):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them in a fitting manner, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them”. [Al- Baqarah: 228] He (swt) also ordered the woman to obey her husband. He (pbuh) said: “If a woman spends the night away from her husband’s bed then the Angels curse her until she returns.” And He (pbuh) said to a woman: ‘Do you have a husband?’ She replied: ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘Then He is your Paradise (Jannah) and Hellfire (Nar).’ Bukhari reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘It is not allowed for a woman to fast without the permission of her husband whilst He is present, nor admit someone to his house without his permission, and whatever she spends of his wealth (on charitable purposes) without his permission, half the reward will go to Him.’” Ibn Batta has reported in his Ahkam an-Nisa (The book of rules pertaining to women) on the authority of Anas that a man had gone on a journey and forbade his wife from going out. Her father became ill so she asked permission from Allah's Messenger to visit her father. The Messenger of Allah said: “Fear Allah and do not disobey your husband”. Her father then died. So she asked permission from Allah's Messenger (pbuh) to attend his Janaza (funeral prayer). He told her: “Fear Allah and do not disobey your husband”. So Allah revealed to the Prophet (pbuh): “I have forgiven her sins due to her obedience to her husband.” (Hadith Qudsi) The Shar’a has given the man the right to prevent his wife from leaving the house whether she wishes to call on or visit her parents or for a thing she needs or just for recreation. It is not therefore allowed for her to go out without his permission. However, the husband should not prevent his wife to call on and visit her parents because that will create a rift between them and lead his wife to disobey Him. Allah (swt) has ordered them to live together honourably. Preventing her from visiting her parents is not living honourably. Nor should the husband prevent her from going to the Mosque, Since it has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh) that He said: “Do not prevent slave girls of Allah (women) from going to the Masajid of Allah”. If the wife rebels against her husband, Allah has given Him the right to discipline his wife. He (swt) said:

“Lakini wakirejea katika utii, basi msiwatafutie njia ya kuwaudhi.” [An-Nisa: 34] Badala yake, awe rafiki kwake, na awe mwema anapomwomba jambo, kiasi kwamba akitaka kumkaribia, achague wakati na hali iliyo bora na inayomfaa. Alisema ﷺ: “Msiwakaribie wake zenu usiku hadi yule mwenye nywele zilizochafuka azichanue, na yule ambaye mumewe amekuwa mbali aisafishe sehemu zake za siri (za nywele).” Utawala wa mume juu ya mke na uongozi wake wa nyumba hauna maana ya kuwa mtawala wa kiburi ndani yake au kuwa mwenye mamlaka ya kutoruhusu kupingwa kwa jambo lolote. Bali uongozi wa mume juu ya nyumba ni kusimamia mambo yake na kuiendesha, wala hakuna utawala wala amri za kulazimisha ndani yake. Kwa hiyo, mwanamke ana haki ya kumjibu mumewe na kujadiliana naye na kukosoa anachosema, kwa sababu wao ni washirika na si mwenye amri na mwenye kuamriwa, wala mtawala na anayetawaliwa. Badala yake, ni washirika wawili, mmoja wao akiwa na uongozi katika kuendesha nyumba na kusimamia mambo yake. Katika nyumba yake, Mtume wa Allah ﷺ vivyo hivyo alikuwa mshirika kwa wake zake, si mtawala mwenye kiburi juu yao, licha ya kuwa kiongozi wa dola na licha ya kuwa Nabii. Umar bin al-Khattab alisema katika Hadith aliyoipokea: “Kwa Allah, wakati wa zama za Ujinga tulikuwa tukiwapuuza wanawake, hadi Allah Mtukufu alipoteremsha kuhusu wao yale aliyoteremsha, na akawapa sehemu yao.” Akasema: “Ikawa nilikuwa nikiwaza jambo fulani, mke wangu akasema: ‘Ningependa ungefanya hivi na hivi.’ Nikamwambia: ‘Halikuhusu, wala usijiingize katika kile ninachokusudia kufanya.’ Akaniambia: ‘Ni ajabu jinsi gani wewe, mwana wa Khattab, usivyopenda mtu yeyote akujibu, ilhali binti yako anamjibu Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ hadi anatumia siku nzima akiwa na huzuni.’” Umar alisema: "Nilichukua vazi langu, kisha nikatoka nyumbani mwangu hadi nilipomtembelea Hafsa, nikamwambia: 'Ee binti yangu, (nimesikia) kwamba unamjibu Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ kiasi kwamba anatumia siku nzima katika karaha.'" Hafsa akasema: "Wallahi, sisi tunamjibu." Nikasema: "Jihadhari, binti yangu, ninakuonya dhidi ya adhabu ya Allah na ghadhabu ya Mjumbe wake ﷺ. Usidanganywe na yule ambaye uzuri wake, na mapenzi ya Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ kwake, vimemvutia" (maana yake ni Aisha). Kisha mimi (Umar) nilimtembelea Umm Salama kwa sababu ya uhusiano wangu naye, nikazungumza naye. Umm Salama akaniambia: "Umar bin al-Khattab, ni jambo la ajabu jinsi unavyojiingiza katika kila jambo hadi unakusudia kujiingiza kati ya Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ na wake zake." Hili lilinikasirisha sana hadi nikaacha kusema nilichokuwa nimekusudia, kisha nikatoka katika chumba chake." Muslim anasimulia katika Sahih yake kwamba Abu Bakr alikuja akaomba ruhusa ya kumwona Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ. Ruhusa ikatolewa kwa Abu Bakr, akaingia. Kisha akaja Umar, akaomba ruhusa, naye akapewa ruhusa, akamkuta Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ ameketi, mwenye huzuni na kimya, na wake zake wamemzunguka. Akasema: "Nilitaka kusema jambo ambalo lingemfanya Nabii Mtukufu ﷺ acheke, kwa hiyo nikasema: 'Ee Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ, laiti ungemwona binti wa Kharijah aliponiomba matumizi (nafaqah), nikasimama na kumpiga kofi shingoni.'" Mjumbe wa Allah ﷺ akacheka, akasema: "Wao wamenizunguka kama unavyoona, wakiomba matumizi (nafaqah)." Kutokana na hili inadhihirika kwamba maana ya utawala wa mwanaume juu ya mwanamke ni kwamba amri iwe mikononi mwake, lakini iwe amri inayotokana na urafiki na si utawala na udhibiti. Hivyo, mwanamke anaweza kumjibu na kujadiliana naye.

“But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance)”. [An- Nisa: 34] Rather He should be a friend to her, and kind when He requests something of her, to the extent if He desires her He should choose the best situation and condition suitable for her. He (pbuh) said: “Do not approach wives at night until the one with dishevelled hair has it combed and the one whose husband has been away has cleaned her private parts (of hair).” Guardianship of the husband over the wife and his leadership of the house does not mean being domineering in it or being its ruler such that no issue is opposed. Rather the leadership of the husband over the house is the looking after its affairs and administering it and there is no domination or commanding in it. Therefore, the woman has the right to answer back to her husband and debate with Him and criticise what He says because they are companions and not a commander and commanded, or a ruler and a ruled. On the contrary they are two companions, one of whom possesses leadership in terms of running the house and looking after its affairs. In his house, the Messenger of Allah , was likewise a companion to his wives, not a domineering ruler over them, in spite of his being the leader of a state and in spite of being a Prophet. 'Umar b. al-Khattab said in a Hadith reported by Him: “By Allah, during the days of Ignorance we ignored women until Allah the Exalted revealed about them what He has revealed, and gave them a share.” He said: “It so happened that I was thinking about some matter when my wife said: 'I wish that you had done so and so'. I said to her: “It does not concern you, and you should not interfere in what I intend to do.” She said to me: 'How strange is it that you, son of Khattab, do not like anyone to answer you back, whereas your daughter answers back Allah's Messenger (pbuh) until He spends the day in vexation'. Umar said: “I took hold of my cloak, then came out of my house until I visited Hafsa and said to her: Oh daughter, (I heard) that you answer back to Allah's Messenger (pbuh) until He spends the day in vexation.” Hafsa said: 'By Allah, we do answer Him back'. I said: “Be careful, my daughter, I warn you against the punishment of Allah and the wrath of his Messenger (pbuh). You may not be misled by the one whose beauty, and the love of Allah's Messenger (pbuh) for her have fascinated her(meaning A'isha). I ('Umar) then visited Umm Salama because of my relationship with her and I talked to her. Umm Salama said to me: 'Umar b. al-Khattab, how strange it is that you interfere in every matter to the extent that you intend to interfere between Allah's Messenger (pbuh) and his wives'. This perturbed me so much that I refrained from saying what I had to say, so I came out of her apartment.”. Muslim narrates in his Sahih that Abu Bakr came and sought permission to see Allah's Messenger (pbuh). It was granted to Abu Bakr and He entered. Then came Umar and He sought permission and it was granted to Him and He found Allah's Messenger (pbuh) sitting sad and silent with his wives around Him. He (Umar) said: “I wanted to say something which would make the Holy Prophet (pbuh) laugh, so I said: ‘Oh Messenger of Allah, I wish you had seen the daughter of Kharijah when she asked me for maintenance (Nafaqah), and I got up and slapped her on her neck.’ The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) laughed and said: “They are around me as you see, asking for maintenance (Nafaqah)” From this it becomes clear that the meaning of the man's guardianship over the woman is that the command should rest with Him, but it should be a command borne out of companionship and not domination and control. Thus she can answer back to Him and discuss with Him.

Kwa muhtasari, kazi yoyote inayohitaji kufanywa ndani ya nyumba ni wajibu wa mwanamke kuifanya, bila kujali aina ya kazi hiyo. Kazi yoyote inayohitaji kufanywa nje ya nyumba ni wajibu wa mwanaume kuifanya. Hii ni kutokana na yaliyopokewa kutoka kwa Nabii ﷺ katika kisa cha 'Ali na Fatimah (Allah awaridhie): Alimlazimisha binti yake Fatimah kazi za ndani ya nyumba, na akamlazimisha 'Ali kila kazi iliyokuwa nje ya nyumba. Mtume wa Allah ﷺ alikuwa akiwaamuru wake zake wamtumikie, akisema: “Ee 'A'ishah, tuletee maji. Ee 'A'ishah, tuletee chakula tule. Ee 'A'ishah, nilete wembe na uunoe kwenye jiwe.” Imepokewa kwamba Fatimah alimwendea Nabii ﷺ akilalamika kuhusu uchovu wake wa kusaga kwa jiwe la mkono, akauliza kama anaweza kupata mtumishi wa kumwondolea mzigo huo. Haya yote yanaonyesha kwamba kumtumikia mume ndani ya nyumba na kuitunza nyumba ni miongoni mwa wajibu wa mke, ambao lazima aufanye. Hata hivyo, kutekeleza kazi hizo kunategemea uwezo wake. Ikiwa kazi ni nyingi kiasi cha kumletea taabu, basi ni wajibu wa mume kumpa mtumishi atakayewezesha kazi hiyo kukamilika, na yeye ana haki ya kudai jambo hilo. Lakini ikiwa kazi si nyingi kiasi cha kumzidi na yeye ana uwezo wa kuifanya, basi mume hana wajibu wa kumpa mtumishi. Katika hali hii anapaswa kuifanya kazi hiyo mwenyewe, kama inavyothibitishwa na alichomlazimisha Mtume wa Allah ﷺ binti yake Fatimah katika kuitunza nyumba.

In summation, any work that needs to be carried out inside the house the woman must undertake, whatever the type of work. Any work that needs to be carried out outside the house the man must undertake. This is due to what has been narrated from the Prophet in the story of 'Ali and Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with them): He imposed on his daughter Fatimah the duty of working in the house and imposed on 'Ali whatever was outside the house in terms of work. Allah's Messenger used to order his wives to serve Him. He said: “O ‘A’isha, bring us some water. Oh ‘A’isha bring us food to eat. O ‘A’isha bring me the razor and sharpen it against a stone.” It has been reported that Fatimah came to the Prophet complaining to Him about her difficulty in working a handmill, and she asked if she could get a servant to save her from that. All of this indicates that serving the husband in the house and looking after the house is one of the obligations of the wife which must be undertaken by her. However, the performance of such work is subject to her ability. If there is a lot of work to be done which would put her in hardship, then it is incumbent on the husband to provide her a servant that will enable the work to get done, and she has the right to demand this. However, If the work is not overwhelming and she is capable of doing it, then the husband is not obliged to provide a servant. In this case she is required to undertake the work by herself as evidenced by what the Messenger of Allah imposed on his daughter Fatimah in tending to the house.